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[Intro]
Fadd9
Everybody shut up! (woo!)
Everyone listen up!
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Am Fadd9
Hey hey hey
[Verse 1]
If you can't write
In the proper way
If you don't know
Fadd9
How to conjugate
Maybe you flunked that class
And maybe now you find
Am Fadd9
That people mock you online
(Everybody wise up!)
[Pre-Chorus 1]
Okay now here's the deal
I'll try to educate ya
Gonna familiarize
Fadd9
You with the nomenclature
You'll learn the definitions
Of nouns and prepositions
Literacy's your mission
Fadd9
And that's why I think it's a
[Chorus]
Good time
To learn some grammar
Now did I stammer
Fadd9
Work on that grammar
You should know when
It's "less" or it's "fewer"
Like people who were
Fadd9
Never raised in a sewer
I hate these word crimes
Like "I could care less" (Hey Hey Hey!)
That means you DO care
Fadd9
At least a little
Don't be a moron
You'd better slow down
And use the right pronoun
Fadd9
Show the world you're no clown
[Verse 2]
Say you've got an "it"
Followed by apostrophe "s"
Now what does that mean?
Fadd9
You would not use "it’s" in this case
As a possessive (no no no!)
It's a contraction (yeah yeah yeah!)
What's a contraction?
Fadd9
Well it's the shortening of a word or a group of words
By omission of a sound or letter
[Pre-Chorus 2]
Okay now here are some notes
Syntax you’re always mangling
No X in "espresso"
Fadd9
Your participle's danglin'
But I don't want your drama
If you really wanna
Am Fadd9
Leave out that Oxford comma
[Chorus]
Just keep in mind that "be" "see" "are" "you"
Are words not letters
Get it together
Fadd9
Use your spell checker
You should never
Write words using numbers
Unless you're seven
Fadd9
Or your name is Prince
I hate these word crimes (I hate them crimes)
You really need a (I hate them crimes)
Full-time proofreader (I mean those crimes)
Fadd9
You dumb mouthbreather
Well you should hire
Some cunning linguist
To help you distinguish
Fadd9
What is proper English
[Bridge]
One thing I ask of you
Time to learn your homophones is past due
Learn to diagram a sentence too
Fadd9
Always say "to whom" don't ever say "to who"
And listen up when I tell you this
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis
You finished second grade I hope you can tell
Fadd9
If you're doing good or doing well
You'd better figure out the difference
Irony is not coincidence
And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
Fadd9
About what's figurative and what's literal
Oh but just now you said
You "literally couldn't get out of bed"
That really makes me want to literally
Fadd9
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head
[Chorus]
I read your e-mail
It's quite apparent
Your grammar's errant
Fadd9
You're incoherent
Saw your blog post
It's really fantastic
That was sarcastic (Oh psych!)
Fadd9
’Cause you write like a spastic
I hate these word crimes
Your prose is dopey
Think you should only
Fadd9
Write in emoji
Oh you're a lost cause
Go back to pre-school
Get out of the gene pool
Fadd9
Try your best to not drool
[Outro]
Never mind I give up
Am Fadd9
Really now I give up
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Go away!
Fadd9